


January

by tangledinink



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Child Abandonment, Cults, Drug Abuse, Gen, Humanstuck, Mild Abuse, Other, baby makaras, scizophrenia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-09
Updated: 2014-07-08
Packaged: 2018-02-08 01:55:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1922361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tangledinink/pseuds/tangledinink
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On January 9th, Kurloz Makara was born to a young, unwed couple...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1992

**Author's Note:**

  * For [VillainousReaper](https://archiveofourown.org/users/VillainousReaper/gifts).



> Thanks to VillainousReaper whom is my partner in crime for brainstorming sad Makara headcanons. I promise the chapters will get longer later on when the Makaras get older...

On January 9th, Kurloz Makara was born. When he first came into the world, however, that wasn’t his name. He was given the same name as his father- Carlos.

His mother and his father liked in Oakland, California. They weren’t married, though they were technically engaged… planning to get married, though only for the fact that they had a child together. They were both young parents, living in a trailer park in a bad neighborhood with a newborn.

From the moment he was born, Carlos was loud and always had something to say. He would cry for hours upon end, and when he wasn’t crying, he was making noises and cooing or burbling or grabbing at the air with tiny little fists. He always wanted attention. Whenever his mother would so much as put him down, he would cry and put up a fuss and kick his fat little legs in the air, wind milling them aggressively. Poor mama Makara never got a second’s peace. He refused to sleep in his crib… in order to get any sort of sleep, he had to sleep in bed with them.

He’d stay quiet, at least, when his mother sang to him. Consequently, she spent a lot of time doing just that… walking around the house with her baby in her arms, rocking him gently and singing him songs until her voice started to give out, just so that she could have a bit of peace.

She was, perhaps, one of the only moms in the world who actually choose to sleep when her baby slept, in order to simply get any sleep at all.

Wanderer’s Lullaby was his favorite song. It would put him to sleep, if she was lucky. She sang it almost every day. By the time he was a week old, she knew every single word by heart.

With all the singing she did of the damned song, she probably still knew it.

Regardless of everything else, she really did love her baby. Even if he was a handful. She had never wanted a baby at all. It was an unplanned pregnancy, and learning that she was expecting had been a shock to her to say the least… especially since she had been considering leaving the elder Makara for quite a while. She had never quite had the guts to do it, however, and, well, when she found out she was pregnant, it was all over as far as she was concerned. She had considered abortion, but only for a short time. She knew she didn’t have it in her to do it.

They agreed that they would get married, though they never did set a date. He said he would buy her a ring, though it never quite happened. He started taking on more hours at work, and she quit her job. They bought a house together, one that they could afford, at least. Carlos Sr. came from a fairly well-off family, but was attempting to live off of his own earnings… whether this was his own choice or something his family decided he ought to do was never really clear.  
Carlos grew quickly, just like most babies did. He learned how to lift his head and make more noises. Learned how to roll over, and then sit up, first with support and then on his own. Started grabbing everything he could, (and then shoving it all in his mouth,) and growing teeth, crawling all over the apartment. He was always grabbing things, getting into small spaces, making messes. He was just curious. He never really did get over the ‘won’t shut up’ thing, either. He was always babbling and making noises, and, as soon as he learned how, saying things.

“Mama mama mama ma!” he’d cry, over and over, until his mom would come and pick him up. He loved making noises, regardless of what they were- whether it was babbling, trying to form words with his mouth, going “whoa” or just straight up screeching and screaming for no reason other than it was an enjoyable pastime for him. The house was never quiet save for when he was sleeping.

His father was never home very often. He was usually out working. And when he wasn’t working, he was busy doing… other things. He and his fiancé would fight often. Especially about that.

“Where have you been all day? I’m having to raise the baby all by myself and it would be nice if I could have some help. I barely get to sleep.”

He always had an excuse. Told her that he was earning money to feed them both and that she ought to stop complaining. Told her that it was her job to look after the baby, not his. That she was better at it anyway.

Ect. Ect. Ect.

It wasn’t as if the baby ever even knew a difference. As far as he knew, nothing was missing in his life. He had his mother. His father was just the strange man who slept there sometimes.


	2. 1994

This was the year when Carlos had to learn to share his mother. He had been a bit young to notice it right away, but as days went by it became clearer and clearer that something was going on when her stomach got bigger and bigger. Whenever he tried to ask she would tell him that he was going to get a little brother or a little sister, (no matter how many times or different ways he asked the question,) and Carlos would always respond by saying that he wanted a brother- not a sister.

He got to celebrate his second birthday a whole week early, which was great as far as he was concerned. It was football themed, even though Carlos didn’t really care for sports, because those were the types of party decorations that were on sale at the store and his parents figured he wouldn’t really be able to tell the difference anyway. And he didn’t, because the cake tasted the same as it would at any other themed party. He didn’t invite over any friends, because he didn’t go to preschool yet and there were no other kids living nearby. His parents didn’t know anyone else with kids to invite, so he and his mother just celebrated together. They ate cake and icecream, and she sang the song to him, and they spent the rest of the day watching all his favorite movies. Or, rather, specifically, his favorite movie, singular… because he just watched the same movie over and over. Nightmare Before Christmas was just such a good movie! He got his mom to watch it with him three whole times before she finally made him stop. She slept through most of it, but still, a person can only take so much.

Two days after his actual birthday came and went, on January 11th, his mom left to go to the hospital. And when she came back, she brought home Gamzee.

Kurloz was enamored in an instant. He was so tiny. He looked just like he did, though with a lot less hair, with dark brown skin and icy blue eyes and a sort of rounded nose that matched his and their dad’s. His mom even let him hold him if he was sitting down on the bed and supported his head right. He didn’t even mind if Gamzee cried a lot.

His mother, however, did mind that Gamzee cried a lot. He was nearly even fussier than Kurloz had been, impossible to be sated once he worked himself into a fit and started screaming. That along with a needy little two-year was a lot of stress.

Consequently, one of them had to start going without the attention. And an infant needs lots of attention. 

Gamzee grew almost as quickly as Kurloz had, going through all the same steps as stages as he did, though admittedly maybe a bit slower. It always took him a little while to grasp anything, to really begin to understand stuff that may come easily to other kids, like Kurloz. But whenever he did figure anything out, he was always absolutely overjoyed with himself. Kurloz spent a lot of his time playing with his little brother or looking after him while his mom was napping- but even with a ‘babysitter’ to help, two kids was a lot more work for her.

When Gamzee was almost six months old, their mom and dad got into a really big fight. There was a lot of screaming, and some throwing things. Carlos didn’t really see much, because he stayed in his room with the baby. But all he knew was that the next day his mom was gone and so was a lot of her stuff. And she never did come back. 

Their dad took a day off from work, but that was all. He told Carlos to just take care of his brother and keep the doors locked and not leave the house. So, he did. He would feed Gamzee the formula his dad would sometimes leave out for him, play with him a little, and watch TV, mostly. 

Their dad didn’t come home very often. Just every once in a while, usually at night, and he didn’t spend very much time with him or Gamzee. He didn’t like answering questions for them, just told them to stay in their rooms.

Eventually, when Carlos was about three years old, he stopped showing up all together. He never did come back home, so Carlos had to take care of Gamzee by himself. He wasn’t really sure what he was supposed to eat or feed Gamzee, especially since they were running out of food. So he sort of just fed Gamzee whatever. He always made sure he got to eat before he did. But despite that, he didn’t really seem to do so well. He cried a lot and got sick sometimes, but he always got better. And he liked the stuff he fed him, it seemed, since he always ate whatever he gave him. 

Eventually, he decided to go to the store to get more food. He rounded up all the change he could find and put Gamzee in his playpen, and then walked to the Walgreens down the street. They wouldn’t let him buy anything though. The lady asked him a whole lot of questions. 

“Where’s your mommy and daddy?”

“I don’t know. They both ran away.” he had answered truthfully. He didn’t know well enough to lie, or to even think that saying anything but the truth would be good for him. She gave him a package of cookies to eat, but didn’t let him go home on his own, even though he made a big fuss about it. He tried to tell her he had to go back home to get his little brother, but she just kept telling him it was okay and he could go home in a bit.

Eventually, some police officers came, and they drove him home. It was really cool- he got to ride in a real live police cruiser. He asked them if he could turn on the sirens, but they wouldn’t let him.

When they got home, though, they collected Gamzee up and told Carlos that he ought to gather up all his things, because he was going to be moving now. Carlos had never moved before, but he had seen people moving in TV and movies and stuff, so he got a box and filled it up with as many of his and Gamzee’s clothes and toys as he could, proudly telling the police people that he had packed for both him and Gamzee- and then going on to explain who each toy belonged to, and what they did, and which was his favorites and which were Gamzee’s favorites, and all the best memories had had with them. 

He and Gamzee got to hang out in the police station for a while, with some lady who was a “social worker.” They asked lots of questions, and made a whole lot of phone calls. It was kind of boring sometimes, but it was okay. They gave him and his brother lots of snacks, so he didn’t mind very much. There was stuff about “neglect” and “missing persons,” but he wasn’t really paying attention all that well. 

That’s when they told him he and his little brother were going to go live with his uncle. He had never met his uncle before, he didn’t even know he had one.

“Where does he live?”

“On a beach, in a different part of California.”

“He lives on a beach? Like with the ocean and everything?”  
“Yep, he sure does.”

“Will we get to go swimming?”

“I imagine he might let you go swimming.”

“Will he teach us how to swim? I don’t know how to learn. I’ve never gone swimmin’ before, I just took baths and stuff but it’s not big enough to swim. I tried once but the water went and it got everywhere and mommy got mad so I didn’t do it anymore.”

“I’m sure he’ll teach you how to swim if he plans on letting you play in the ocean.”

“I’ve never been to the ocean before, but I’ve seen lots of pictures before about it and stuff. And I saw it on TV. I saw it in the movie with the mermaid, the Little Mermaid. That’s one of my favorite movies. I like Sebastian best, because mommy said that he was Ja-may-key-in like we are and-”

“That’s nice dear- hello, this is the Social Services office.”

A few days after that, he and Gamzee got driven down to the coast, a couple hours away. Carlos counted 458 trees on the way there, but he lost count and fell asleep a couple times so it might not have been totally 100% accurate.


	3. 1995

Their uncle Zanris’ house was huge. Carlos had never been in a house so big before. And the police lady wasn’t even kidding, it really was right on the beach, and there weren’t even a bunch of people around like he had through there would be. They had the entire thing all to themselves. Their uncle had a wife, too, Aunt Violet. She was really nice to them. She showed them a room that she said she had cleaned out just for the two of them, and helped him unpack all of him and Gamzee’s stuff and had even set up a bed and a crib for the two of them. Carlos liked her a lot- she reminded him a little bit of his mom. 

He had never really understood where his mother had gone, or why she left. But he still remembered her really well. And he missed her, a lot. He hadn’t celebrated his third birthday, because there was no one to celebrate with except Gamzee, and he didn’t know when his birthday was. But for his birthday wish, he had wished that his mommy would come back home. But he thought maybe birthday wishes didn’t come true unless you had a party and cake and stuff with it, which was why he had made sure Gamzee got one, even if it was only the two of them and all they had were Hostess Cupcakes, and he couldn’t actually light the candles. It was still a birthday party, he was pretty sure. And it was his first one, too, so he had to have something. 

Zanris and Violet argued a lot, but it was usually in really hushed voices when they thought he and Gamzee weren’t around. In some ways, it made Carlos even more nervous than his mommy and daddy yelling. 

But regardless of that, he liked living here. Violet took care of them most of the time. She started feeding Gamzee ‘good foods’ that she said babies were supposed to eat, and he started to get less sick and cry and sleep a lot less. And he even got food, too, and didn’t even have to wait until after Gamzee had eaten before he got some. She would play games with them a lot, and listen to him when he wanted to talk about stuff instead of just telling him to shoosh or that he was giving her a headache like his mom used to. 

Even if it wasn’t the same as having his mommy back, he really liked having Violet around. He got to start going to preschool, and he made lots of friends. He hadn’t wanted to at first, because he didn’t wanna leave Gamzee by himself, but Violet had assured him that she would take care of his little brother while he was away. And she, in fact, always did. 

And Gamzee grew just as fast as Carlos did. He even started speaking for the first time while they were there. He could not, however, say “Carlos-” he always said it “Kurloz” instead. But he never minded it. 

For his third birthday, he asked if he could have his name officially changed to Kurloz. He had already started asking people to call him that instead, and by now, almost everyone did. Violet and Zanris argued about it a lot, but it the end, he got his wish, because he said he didn’t want to have the same name as his father who ran away anymore.


	4. 1997

Gamzee and Kurloz had been living with their aunt and uncle for nearly two years, and it was a good life. Kurloz went to preschool, and had plenty of friends with all he talked and chattered and socialized. Gamzee was just now starting to go to school, too. Admittedly, he was not quite as popular as his older brother was, but he was slowly making friends and learning. Especially since his brother was helping him every step of the way.

Every day, they would wake up and go to school. Violet would pick them up, play with them, feed them, take care of them, and life was good. Though he had not forgotten her, Kurloz found that he no longer missed his mother so much, because now he had, in a sense, a new one. To Gamzee, this was the only mother he ever had. He couldn’t even remember his real one. 

But Violet and Zanris argued a lot. Never out loud, or in front of the kids. They tried not to, at least. Always in shushed tones, behind closed doors, away from Kurloz and Gamzee. But they both saw it happening anyway. And all the pressure of it kept building and building until it all blew up. They screamed at each other, for hours. Violet said that Zanris had to choose- her or the kids. And Zanris told her to get out. And she did. She packed up her stuff and left. It was just like when his mother had left and it made Kurloz sick to watch. He was terrified she wouldn’t come back.

And she never did.

Kurloz stopped being a social butterfly. He stopped playing with all the other kids in preschool- only Gamzee. What was the point when everyone ended up leaving? Violet didn’t pick them up anymore, a driver Zanris hired did. In their uncle’s defense, he did try. He started being home more often to look after them, spending more time with them, ect. But it still wasn’t the same. He still wasn’t Violet and he was still Zanris- he cared about them, but he was impatient and had a short temper. He would yell at them often when he was frustrated. 

His next birthday didn’t get a party, because his uncle forgot, (though Kurloz made sure Gamzee still had one,) but he wished for Violet to come back home anyway.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gamzee and Kurloz started to have trouble in school after Violet left. Well, really, Gamzee was having trouble before Violet left… but it just got worse without her. Kurloz almost completely withdrew himself socially, beginning to keep to himself, not play with friends, refuse to participate in activities. And since Gamzee had relied on Kurloz as a sort of social crutch, and all of his friends had come from him… he didn’t really have anyone to talk to or play with.

Gamzee just had Kurloz. And Kurloz just had Gamzee.

On top of that, it became more and more clear to his teachers as time went on that Gamzee didn’t really function or learn like the other kids did. It was hard for him to get along with other kids- he never seemed to be able to pick up on what they were saying, or what they meant. He usually didn’t catch jokes like everyone else did, and it was frustrating. He was a bit clumsy, and just spent most of his time playing ‘circus’ either with his brother or by himself.   
He played with himself a lot, he was good at it. 

Though all the other kids in his class were slowly learning their letters and numbers, Gamzee just didn’t seem capable. No matter how many times his teachers went over it with him, he just couldn’t seem to pick it up. All the letters and numbers and symbols would swim before his eyes until they made him dizzy. They’d get mixed up, turned upside down, switch places with each other. It didn’t seem fair to him. His teachers would always encourage him to keep trying, re-explain everything to him each time, tell him they were sure he could do it but it just never made sense to him. Every time he was sure he had gotten it right, and was all excited to show off, someone would break it to him that he had messed something up and he would be back to square one. 

It took a lot of pushing to get Zanris to come to the parent-teacher conferences. And it took even more convincing after that to get him tested. But after they finally did, they confirmed that Gamzee both had Asberger’s and Dyslexia. Something most of all the teachers had already guessed- but it was hard for them to get him any sort of help until he had the diagnosis.

Gamzee still struggled. But at least now he knew why, and the teacher’s knew what to do to help him. And Kurloz knew, too. He spent lots of time just trying to help Gamzee- usually putting aside his own schoolwork in favor of helping his little brother with his.


End file.
